On to the next.....

Needless to say our last visit to a fertility clinic didn't go so well so I had to start all over again.  In all honesty, I was extremely discouraged and completely let down after that initial consult.  I didn't know if other clinics were going to lure us in with all their smoke and mirrors just to build us up for another disappointment.  Word to the wise, read the online reviews of any potential clinic you're thinking about using.  I went off the advice of a couple that used this clinic for their transfer (when I say transfer, I mean when the fertilized eggs are transferred to the surrogates uterus) and their website made them look completely legit.  In a weird way, I'm glad this happened actually because it taught me a lesson in all this; research, research, research!  I can't say for sure that I wouldn't have visited this DC clinic but I think my expectations would have been a bit more tempered.  Oh and one more thing, I found out that most reputable clinics do a free initial consultation.  I mention this because just this week we received a bill for $500 from the DC clinic!  Now I'm all for paying physicians what they're due (because that's what pays our bills) but to me that amount is extreme for barely a 10 minute chat with a physician and a disastrous meeting with their coordinator.  I'm not adding this to the tally on the right yet because I'm fighting this; we'll probably end up having to pay it but not before the physician and I have a talk.  Side note, I'm not mentioning any of the clinics names out of complete fear of potentially getting sued.  

So I called Jesse (the lady that will be coordinating most of the process and more importantly, finding our carrier/surrogate) and told her that we're moving on to another clinic.  She told me of this clinic based out of Maryland that might be a bit more pricey but they have great transfer success rates and come highly recommended.  I did some snooping online and found that not only do they have great reviews but also have a unique donor option that I'll go into here in just a bit.  I called the MD clinic and spoke with their donor coordinator; not only was she extremely nice but she was also very knowledgeable.  We agreed to set up a phone call with one of their physicians, which just took place this past Tuesday, to go over the basics like our timeline on when we want to transfer, our medical and personal history, and the expectations that the clinic has of us.  After the phone call was over, I felt a sense of relief and renewed excitement about this whole process.  

During the phone call, the physician gave me the password to access their donor pool.  I'm not going to lie, this is a mixed bag of feelings.  While the thought of finding the egg donor to what will be our future child/children is thrilling and makes this whole thing feel so real, it also fills you with a sense of anxiety because you immediately wonder what kind of women are out there donating their eggs.  While I know that these clinics won't let a crack whore off the streets to come in and donate her eggs (there is a very rigorous screening process), it makes me wonder if these girls are the "top shelf" of DNA that we would want.  After perusing through their quite lengthy list of potential donors, I found that there are just a few diamonds in the rough.....most of them just seem rough.  What really surprised me is that these donors only have baby pictures and maybe a couple of pics of them as a child.  I called the coordinator to ask about adult pictures of these donors and I was told that due to facial recognition software out there now, most donors do not want their current pics online.  I guess I get it but it would be nice to help narrow the search.  She did say that once we pick a potential donor we could then get a picture of her or maybe even meet her in person.  I'm not so sure how I feel about meeting her but I'll cross that topic if and when it comes up.  Anyway, all I did initially was look thru the pics and tried to determine who was the cutest/most attractive baby.  Can you imagine what an asshole I felt like after a while when I realized I was judging babies?!  Here I am thinking "oh god no", "too risky on what they look like now", or "mmm....maybe" about these little girls that I've never met.  Let's be real, not every baby is cute or adorable but when you criticize and scrutinize baby after baby after baby, it doesn't take long before you feel like a real dick.  

Here's a quick breakdown of the cost for this clinic.  If any couple wanted exclusive use of a particular donors' eggs, then for $55K the eggs are theirs and that donor is out of the loop for any other couple to use.  Ever.  Obviously this is for couples that don't want half-sisters or half-brothers running around.  This fee also includes up to six transfers and if after six transfers nothing happens, you get a full refund.  If you want to gamble by only attempting one transfer but still want your own eggs and no sharing, then its $29K.  However, if a couple is willing to share donor eggs with one other couple, then it's $39K for up to six transfers or just $18K for the one time deal.  Or if a couple is willing to share the eggs with two other couples, then the cost is $31K and $14K in each scenario.  On average the clinic can get around 30 eggs from a donor so I assume y'all can do the math on how that would break down on splitting the eggs.  I think we'll be opting for the "shared risk" option of up to six cycles because the clinic will also freeze any fertilized eggs of ours that aren't transferred at that time for us to use if we choose to add to our family down the road.  I'm still not sure if we'll be splitting the eggs with one other couple or two; I can say, with complete certainty, that we will not be choosing the $55K option.  

Ok - back to the list.  From the list I found my top two potential donors!!  Exciting right?!?!  Yeah, I thought so too.  I called the coordinator yesterday (due to the snow storm we didn't have power Wednesday nor most of Thursday) telling her this fantastic news but she quickly told me to slow my roll.  She said that we still have a few steps to take before we can pick out any donor and that while it's great that I have a couple picked out, they may not be available when we're ready.  Apparently before we can choose a donor, we have to go up to the clinic for the (free) initial consult, I have to give a sperm sample to make sure I'm not shooting blanks and get my blood tested to check for any diseases.  I'm hoping we can get up to the clinic on the 22nd of this month but Chris's work schedule really limits the days we can go.  Apparently they need him there to sign some documents to make sure he's aware of this whole process and they need to witness his signature.  If he can't go in the next two weeks, I can still go on my own for them to poke and prod me so they can do all the initial testing they need done and for me to sign my paperwork.  He can realistically sign the papers any time before the transfer but I'd rather him be there so he doesn't feel left out of any part of this process.  

So that's where we are now.  We found a new clinic that I hope won't be a disaster like the first and hopefully we'll be able to make a day trip to MD in the next couple of weeks.  There's quite a bit of work and time consumed in the beginning stages of this but I've been told that once we find a carrier and the donor, things just take off from there.  We were hoping for a May transfer but in reality, I think it'll more likely be June or July.  I'll keep y'all posted!