I have to do what?!

Finally some good news.....we've officially found our clinic!!  It's the Maryland clinic I mentioned in the last post and since it's America's largest fertility clinic, they have an extensive donor pool of fresh and frozen donor eggs which will make the decision process all that more intense going through all the profiles but it will also make us feel we picked the best of whats out there.  Ok fair warning, from here on out parts of this blog will be crass, crude and somewhat awkward for me to write about and maybe even for you to read......you've been warned! :-)

A major step in starting this whole thing is the screening process for the intended parents.  The MD clinic said that before they could schedule an appointment for my semen analysis that I would have to get screened for HIV, Hep C, Hep A and some other diseases.  Knowing that the longer I waited to get my blood drawn, the more anxiety I would have over the blood-letting so as soon as I got the email order, I went and had it done that same afternoon.  My hands were slick with sweat but I somehow managed to get to the lab.  At intake, I told the lady that I tend to pass out and that I didn't want a student doing it which she obliged but I could tell she was already annoyed.  When my name was finally called, I grabbed my juice box (I've learned to carry juice with me because it helps when I come to after I pass out) and went on back.  The phlebotomist was trying to keep a convo going to keep my mind busy but it wasn't helping because I could tell I wasn't feeling all too well after that needle was stabbed in my arm.  She called for help and a younger lady came in, put my feet up and put wet rags on my neck and face.  I started shaking, my legs and arms were feeling tingly and numb but I didn't pass out!!  They had me stay there a bit to wait for color to come back to my face so after 15 minutes (and with a slightly wet shirt) I was able to leave.  

Anyone who has ever taken this type of blood test knows how awful the waiting process is for the results!  Even tho I knew I was good to go, I still had that anxiety-ridden feelings of "what if?".  I finally got the results back and of course it was negative so on to the next step.  Oh btw, Chris had to do the same test even tho he won't be giving sperm; apparently it's a requirement altho I still don't get why.  Anyway, the clinic had my blood results so they called and scheduled our initial visit and sperm analysis for this past Friday.  Side note, this clinic is on it.  When you decide to use this clinic, they assign you a team that helps you along the entire process.  They are very quick in responding to emails and phone calls and they also give you an itinerary and a checklist so you know what you need to do and what they need to do along the way to make this whole process go as smooth as possible.  

Ok so two days ago we drove up to northern Virginia to meet with the doctor that will do the procedure when the time comes.  Unbeknownst to me, they needed a urine sample and more blood work!!  I was not prepared for this at all.  I easily gave the urine sample (it was a long car ride and I had already downed a bottle of water) but the blood work was going to be an issue.  Apparently the FDA requires additional blood screening to the blood work that I had already done.  The staff decided to wait to take my blood until after the consult with the doc since my anxiety level was sky high.  This physician was very informative, kind and just easy to talk to; I think we're really going to like her.  Now it was time for my blood draw.  I told them that sitting up in a chair wasn't a good idea so they took me to an exam room and laid me on an examination bed with stirrups.  After the lady politely asked me to remove my feet from the stirrups, she began the blood-letting.  It wasn't that bad but she still had me wait a bit to get color back again and for the shaking to stop before I could get up.  Keep in mind, I knew that I was going to have to give a sperm sample in about an hour and at this point, I was definitely not feeling in the mood.  

We left to go for the hour drive up to Maryland to their main clinic office.  This place was super fancy and a little intimidating.  I checked in and could barely make eye contact with the front desk lady because we both knew what I was there for.  Oh right, let me give you some of the rules they gave me before I gave them my sample.  I couldn't ejaculate for 3-5 days before the appointment (I opted for 3 days, 5 was pushing it), couldn't use lube or any other aid, and no one could be in there with me.  I was ok with the last part since I tend to do this on my own anyway.  So they called my name and this young lady took me back to the masturbation rooms.  Let me paint a picture for you.  This room was super small, the size of a bathroom really, with an oversized leather barcalounger crammed in there.  On the seat of the chair was a small stack of paper towels for which I can only assume was there to soak up any ass sweat that may occur while masturbating....needless to say, I opted not to sit.  Next to the chair was a magazine holder and on the wall was a small ten inch tv and a tiny sink below it.  The girl that took me to my room had me sign some paper work but before she left she apologetically said that they didn't have any gay porn.  So of course only to make it even more awkward, I replied with "oh no worries, it's been 3 days so it won't be an issue".  She politely laughed but then quickly shut the door.  

Now the pressure was on!  I knew this staff was professional but I felt like I was on a timer and they were just waiting for me to hurry along.  Again, not really the mindset I needed to do what I needed to do.  I wasn't remotely turned on at this point so I tried to look at some pics/videos via my phone but my room was in the middle of the building so the reception/signal was terrible.  I went ahead and decided to pop in a (straight) porn called Construction C*nt on the tv just to see if it would help.  Surprisingly it worked!  Altho after three days I'm sure watching two dogs going at it would do the trick.  Anyway, I tried to mentally remove the girl and her bouncing boobies from the scene but ended up just fast forwarding to the "final shot" which ultimately did it for me.  So I pulled my pants up, washed up and rang the bell for her to come back.  I can't even describe how awkward I felt at that very moment.  You know that initial feeling you get right after sex when you're with someone you probably shouldn't be with and you say to yourself "oh god, why did I just do that?"?  Yep, something like that.  So of course I made this moment worse by saying "so is this as awkward for you as it is for me right now?" but, with a giggle, she said it wasn't awkward and that she does this all day long.  Thankfully it was over and I went back to the main waiting area.  As I walked in the waiting room, I felt like the other people were all just staring at me quietly thinking "oh we know what you just did" but gratefully the nurse quickly came to take us to the main meeting room to meet with her, the donor coordinator and our personal assistant that will guide us along the way.  

We went over the next steps in the fertilization process, payment and embryo transfer options, and looked over some potential egg donors.  This meeting didn't last more than an hour so we were back on the road home in no time.  

So that's where we are now.  They have my semen which they will freeze so I will never have to do that again.  Now we just wait for our surrogate agency to find us a carrier which will hopefully happen in the next couple of weeks.  Once we find a carrier, then we can really start looking at potential donors.  Technically we can look at egg donors now but the timing might be off so we'll just wait until we find a carrier so we won't be disappointed if eggs that we want now won't be available in the next month or so when we're ready to transfer.  

Once the agency finds some potential carriers for us, I'll be back here to blog about it.  It may take up to a month but if anything major happens before then, I'll be back here to share with all of y'all!!